Thursday, September 20, 2012

Raccoons will eat your face off!

Scarlett mostly sleeps through the night but every blue moon she wakes up and gets freaky. Last night she woke up angry and yelling. I tried to calm her down which just made her get louder. She was crying, kicking and thrashing in her bed.

I then realize the raccoons are in the house so I go shoo them out. They come in through the cat door and reek havoc in the kitchen. I return and Scarlett is still wailing away and I tell her to be quiet or they will come in her room. My scare tactic backfired causing her to cry even louder. She thought I was bluffing. What did I do? I went and took a picture of the raccoon, showed it to her and said "If you don't stop crying the raccoons will come and eat your face off."  I know, totally below the belt.

She looked real sad and said "Mommy I want to tell you something, I heard a witch in the bathroom saying "HaHaHaHa" Then I felt really bad. I explained to her its not a witch but our annoying neighbor across the street who has a super loud, drunk ass laugh. He actually sounds allot like a witch. She thought that was funny and calmed down.

I told her I made it up and the raccoons only eat cat food and stuff in the kitchen, they wont come in her room.  Boy did I feel like a meany!


Friday, July 6, 2012

Carney Slang

I have been known to make up my own words

Tubby - bath

Clapper Grabbers - tongs (Ava made this one up)

Gobey lobeys - gross stuff


Friday, June 15, 2012

Gina Strawberry


We were eating strawberries and Scarlett found one that was shaped like a vagina. She saved her special "gina" berry and Ava ate it. Scalett began to cry hysterically that Ava ate her vagina! You would think someone ate all her candy by the way she carried on and on about her special vagina strawberry.

 I was able to find one that looked like a butt to replace the gina and she calmed down.

Scarlett then picked up a blackberry and proudly showed me how the top end looks like a butt hole. She then began searching the blackberries to show me all the little butt holes.


Friday, June 8, 2012

I am a Cow

I was not sure how nursing would go after getting my new tatas, but they still work! Mostly...

I am sitting here writing this blog entry as I nurse Willa on my left and pump on my right. You may wonder how I do this. I cut a hole in a sports bra so I can put the pumper through, hands free!  Picture a dairy cow with the little pumpers attached to her udders.

Normally I would be extatic to have all this sucking and tugging going on, but my poor tatas have had enough for a while.

You see, much of my day revolves around nursing, pumping, massaging, exfoliating, and taking a handful of supplements to ensure I make enough milk for sweet Willa.

When Ava was 8 months old, my right dried up. When Scarlett was 4 months, it happened again. Now Willa is almost 2 months and I am doing everything in my power to keep making milk. I take 9 pills of fenugreek,  combined with 4 pills of Domperidone, and a ton of water.

My day begins and ends with nursing and pumping. Once again my life revolves around my boobs but this time in a completely different way. I feel so in touch with my inner cow and can truly relate to my bovine cousin, moooooo...

Monday, May 14, 2012

Scarlett Amazes Me...

I was laying in bed in the early morning hour and I heard Scarlett wandering around the house. I pretended to be asleep hoping she would just crawl into bed and not wake us up.  She never did and I fell back asleep.

When Kevin got up a bit later I asked him if Scarlett was awake. He found her sleeping soundly in her bed. I figured I dreamed it.

When Scarlett awoke she came and told me she found a dead rat in her bed and she cleaned it up. I asked her to show me where she put it. I honestly thought she was making up a story or had a weird dream. She took me to the hamper and showed me a yucky hairball  wrapped in a washcloth. She said it was on her bed so she cleaned it up.

My little 3 year old, woke up, got a washcloth, cleaned up a gross cat puke and then went back to bed. I was shocked!

She is the most stubborn "do it myself" kind of girl, which at times drives me nuts. She is also so capable and never ceases to amaze me with her clever wit and determination.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Willa Dawn's Birth Story

I checked in at Sutter Maternity at 7:30am on April 2 to be induced. It was surreal to arrive at a scheduled time to have a baby as both my girls came when they were ready. I chose to induce one day after my due date because I was over being pregnant and I felt all my body needed was a little push.

Kevin went to drop Scarlett off at school and would wait at home with Ava until I called him to come to the hospital. These things can take all day so I figured no rush.

At 8:30am, my midwife came and said "Are you sure you want me to break your water?" To which I replied "Absolutely". She briefed me on the possible complications that can arise from inducing a labor, such as the need for pitocin if contractions dont start on their own. I was ready to get this adventure started and Leora broke my water and then gave me this awesome diaper to wear. I was dilated to 3cm which I had been for the last 2 weeks. I spent the next 10 minutes taking pictures of the coolest birthing center ever.

My best friend Louisa arrived and we hung out waiting for something to happen. My contractions became more frequent but not painful.  Around 10:00am I texted Kevin and told him to come on down as things were getting going. My contractions were starting to feel uncomfortable and I sat on a yoga ball and breathed through them.

Kevin and Ava arrived at 10:10am followed shortly after by Serena, my other best friend. Both Louisa and Serena were at Scarlett's birth. At 10:30am Maggie, my nurse checked my cervix and I was dilated to 6 cm. This is when it started to really hurt and I could not get off the bed. She called my midwife to come on over and get this party started. Leora arrive shortly after and checked me again and I was 8 to 9cm.

Ava says I was making cute sounds through my contractions. I remember it hurting so bad. I had forgotten how much labor hurts. I started to feel like I had to poo and said "I think  have to poo a little, or a lot" and then couldn't help but push. They all said no, thats not poo, thats  your baby! You see I never had the urge to push before as my first 2 babies were posterior, faced up. Babies are MUCH harder to push out when they come out like that and I pushed for 2.5 hours with Ava and 1.5 hours with Scarlett.

I was on my back, legs held back by Louisa and the nurse and they told me to go for it and push, which I did. And go figure this little girl came out in 3 pushes, hallelujah she was face down! She came out screaming, with one eye open. They put her on my tummy where she continued to wail.  Ava cut the cord like a professional cord cutter. The time was 11:12am, less than 3 hours after my water was broken, less than one hour of intense labor. I guess as far as labors go, 3rd times a charm!

She continued to cry, more like scream for an hour. It was an owie kind of cry, not the typical newborn cry. The nurse had a pediatrician come to make sure she was ok, and she couldn't find anything wrong with her. After a couple hours of intense crying she finally fell asleep. I was concerned something was hurting her but when she woke up later that day, she was not screaming anymore. I guess being born can be pretty traumatic...

We were thinking of naming her Juliette, but after seeing her and having her come into this world like a whirlwind we decided to name her Willa. Kevin picked her name which is fair because I got to name the first two. Willa is the female version of William, Kevin's fathers name who is one of the nicest people in the entire world, very deserving of a namesake. Second, a williwaw is a type of windstorm on the ocean and she arrived fast and furious like a wild wind.

My Sexy Diaper - 9AM
Screaming Willa - 11:12am
Emma is jealous of Willa


Daddy, Ava, & Willa
Scarlett & Willa






Thursday, March 29, 2012

39 weeks 4 days and Over it....

I am extremely pregnant and so over it. This baby feels like it will never come out. I know I am being impatient and I should relish these days with only 2 kids, but I dont do patient.

I cant go from sitting to standing without a ton of effort. I cant breathe, have constant heartburn, and puffy swollen feet. Sleeping is a bitch. I lay in bed waiting for a reasonable hour to get up.

The baby is so low, and I am 3cm dilated so I can reach in and feel her head (she has no hair like baby Scarlett). I know it sounds weird but all you full term mammas should try it, its super cool! Tip - do it in the shower in a squat.

I dont have much else to say other than "Come out Baby!!!!!"

39+ Weeks Pregnant

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Notes From the Womb - 38 weeks

Only 2 more weeks to the supposed due date, April 1st!!!! I cant believe we are already at this point, ready to pop like a ripe juicy peach.

I learned at my last Dr appointment that I am 3cm dilated, 70% effaced, and -1 station. For those of you who have no idea what this means, it means when I do go into labor to get my ass to the hospital QUICK, this baby is gonna come fast.

I've gained 23 lbs so far and my tummy is growing by the day. I know it may seem impossible but my tatas keep getting bigger and bigger. I am frightened for when my milk comes in. This may forever wreck my awesome plastic surgeons beautiful work... Oh well gotta embrace the benefits of motherhood.

I am slowing down but still working out and doing boot camp, although it is way harder these days. I usually pee a bit when I do jumping jacks. The highlight of my day is when I get to poo, or I should say IF I get to poo. I'm guessing this baby is invading my colon and seriously affecting this daily ritual.

I was hoping she would be born yesterday on St Patricks day because Kevin said we could name her Ireland, which is my first choice, but not Kevin's. Yes, we still have not decided on a name but have a bunch we each like but the other one doesn't. (Willa, Cathryn, Violet, Cat, Juliette, Ruby) I am hoping when we see her one of these names will stick.

38 Weeks Pregnant

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Brushing Teeth is Like Pulling Teeth

Brushing teeth in my house has turned into a very time consuming activity... 

Ava - When she was little, she let me do it, now she does it, the end... 3 minutes

Scarlett - She picks her toothbrush, chooses 3 different kinds of toothpaste, then decides not to use it because she wants to use Ava's. Ava says no way, so she settles on her pink Hello Kitty. But first, she needs to put her barrettes in her hair. Then she has to poo, but I thought she only had on 5 pairs of underwear which I stripped off and set her on the potty. As she started to go, we both realized she was wearing a 6th pair which I quickly pulled off. 

Finally ready to brush, but no she had to tell me this totally made-up story. 

Story Goes - Kevin took her to Toys R Us and bought her a Little Mermaid dress with a real tail that goes in the water. When she got home she put it high up in the closet where the raccoons climbed up and took it in the wall. (Racoons really do live in our wall, this is the only true part of this story)  The bad guys came and beat up the raccoons to get the Aerial costume. But the raccoons became good and escaped and gave her the costume back. 

After her story she finally brushed her teeth.  20 minutes

Saturday, February 4, 2012

King Size Bed

I finally convinced Kevin to let us invest in a kingsize bed. Here is my reasoning.  I am having another baby who will suck on my teets all night long while simultaneously being sandwiched from behind from by Scarlett.

(Just a side thought - back in the day I used to think being sandwiched and suckled sounded like a fricken party if you get my drift. You see how my mind thinks these days? Damn hormones are turning me into a dirtly old lady. Anyway, I will save that for another post...)

I figure I deserve more space for doing my duty of carrying these creatures, squeezing them out, and then letting them help themselves to my tatas.  Kevin also deserves more space as he is on the receiving end of Scarletts wild mid-night kicks.  She is brutal, its like she is training to me a mixed marital artist and Kevin is her punching bag.  For having her eyes closed, she has great aim, mostly Kevin's temple. She is really good at getting perfectly horizontal between our pillows.

So the glorious bed arrives and it is huge! I recommend a king size bed to families everywhere. The funny thing about the bed is that Scarlett seems to think that it is for her to fill up with all of her toys. I put her to bed in her room and by the time Kevin and I make it to our bed she has snuck in and taken over... She is very sneaky, must get that from her dad. The next morning I asked her where we were supposed to sleep and she said I should sleep in her toddler bed and daddy doesn't need to sleep. Gotta love the perks of co-sleeping!


Monday, January 23, 2012

Notes from the Womb - 30 weeks

Welcome to the third trimester!! Yippee Ki Yay Mother #!@*

8 weeks and counting and I am officially ripe and ready to bring life into this world. It sounds beautiful and magical right? The thing is I dont feel ready. I am in denial that this thing has to eventually come out and live with us.

With baby #3 I am prepared to say goodbye to my sweet 16 yoni... Ok more like sweet 34, but I can pretend. I'm lucky because my husband says I shouldn't worry about that, thanks hunny.  I have read that everything shrinks back to its original size but I also don't believe everything I read.  That would be a fricken miracle!

Somehow I still drag my ass to the gym. Mostly so Scarlett gets out and I get a mommy break. I do love the daycare at my gym. Toadal Fitness your my best friend and I owe my sanity to you. 

My body is so full of baby I dont see how it is at all possible for her to grow for 8 + more weeks, I suppose my internal organs aren't really that important. My ribs feel like they are in a vice most of the day, no biggie I almost get used to it.

 I can no longer see my lovely lady bits, which is probably a good thing. The last view I had resembled blue Twinkies, so I am happy to leave this to my imagination. I pretend I look like Jenna Jameson in that department. Did you know she bleaches her butt-hole to make it that pretty pink color?! I know what I want for my birthday...  Luckily I have doubled my blood supply or something like that so orgasms are earth shattering, and I will miss them oh so much once this baby arrives.

My stomach and bladder have had to share their living space which means I pee all the time and cant eat grown up portions anymore. It feels like I am burning the lining off my esophagus from all the heart burn, but at least the end is in sight.

The problem with the end being is sight is just that, I am totally and completely not ready. My life is pretty chaotic and my day is filled with screaming Scarlett fits and sister fights.  I hope that when I pop this puppy out, we will wing it and some how the pieces will fall into place.

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