Tuesday, March 4, 2014


I love breastfeeding! I have breastfed all  3 of my children. I nursed Ava until she was 2. I only nursed Scarlett until she was one, she was too busy to make time for the tit. Willa is still going strong and defiantly a major booby lover, just like her dad.

I love nursing for so many reasons:

1. It makes me sit my busy butt down and relax. For those of you who know me, this is virtually impossible. Or if I get an important work call, I pop it in the babes mouth and ahhh complete silence.

2. Its super cozy and special to look down in my babies eyes as they suckle away, I love these moments, not much can beat this.

3. Its a great way to calm a crying baby, instant pacifier!

4. A fail proof way to get my babies to fall asleep. (I know eventually this will bite me in the butt...)

5. Oh and its very healthy too, that's just a big bonus to all the other good stuff.

Willa will be 2 in April and my friends politely ask me how long I will nurse her, to which I often reply "Until she is 10"  You see Willa is getting big and she speaks really well. She says Momma, I want neen. Pleaseeeeee When I say no, she bargains Just a little bit, pleaseeeee momma, its special and its so sweet  At that point I almost always give in.

Sometimes  its not so special. For example, in the middle of the night  when she is not so polite and almost every hour repeatedly yells I want neen!!! When I don't give it to her she thrashes and kicks. I know I have created a mini titty loving monster.

I have truly evolved from a controlling, militant mother that regulated nursing to bedtime to throwing the rules out the door and popping it out whenever I hear the word neen. I know Willa is my last baby so I have let so many rules slide.  I am amazed how much I have changed from baby #1 to baby #3.

So how long will I nurse? I'm not sure but I do dread the day when I decide my tatas are closed for business. I don't think Willa will be in favor of this shutdown. Until this day I plan to enjoy every second of it!

Friday, January 31, 2014

Youth is Wasted on the Young

I have no regrets (well maybe a couple) but for the most part I don't regret any part of my life. However, if I could go back in time I would do a lot differently.

1. I would have a lot more sex (protected of course). I was such a good girl in high school and college that I missed out on a lot of that raging hormone sex. Don't get me wrong, I had a boyfriend all through high school so did not miss out completely but I wish I would have been a bit more promiscuous when I was in college. I went to UCSC for goodness sake! If I could do it again I would experiment more with girls, threesomes, foursomes, toys, places, you name it, if I could get a do-over I would try it at all least once.

2. On a similar note, I would have had way more sex with my husband before having 3 kids.   After baby number #1 it was pretty easy to find time. Even after baby #2 it was somewhat possible. Once baby #3 came along its next to impossible to find time and more so, a place where there are no kids.  Having 3 kids in a small 2 bedroom only leaves the backyard so we really have to want it to venture into the great outdoors!

3. I would go to college, get a degree in science and then a nursing degree so I could get a job right out of college. Instead I got a useless degree in environmental studies and became a professional student almost getting my teaching credential, nursing pre-recs, computer classes, and Spanish. Now I'm 36 and on a 5 year long waiting list to get into nursing school (2.5 years in). You do the math, I will be at least 40 by the time I can even apply for a nursing job. Really? It took me all those years to figure this out, uggh! After all this schooling I finally have a cool job that does not require ANY of that (except Spanish)

4. I would save money. I used to have way more money and very little expenses and I would blow it by going out to the bar, to dinner, buying crap I did not need.  I wish I would have just saved a little bit every month so now I would be able to buy a house instead of living month to month in a itty bitty house.

5. I would not drink copious amounts of tequila, ever. But that's a story for another blog.

6. I would have spent way more time in Costa Rica learning Spanish, or just studied Spanish more in college. Maybe do one of those language immersion programs, that would have been amazing!

7. I would have stranded that looser drunk boyfriend of mine in Grass Valley when he cheated on me on Christmas eve rather than taking him back to Santa Cruz,  I promise one day I will tell this story too, its a good one!

8. I would have stuck with guitar.

I could go on and on... The saying "Youth is Wasted on the Young" is so true. Maybe I can impart some of my life experience on my girls so they make a few better choices than I did. But I'm not sure I want to encourage them to be promiscuous, so I will keep that one to myself.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Santa Gives Candy at Church?

I have to admit that I have not done the best job teaching my children about religion. I was raised as a Jewish girl who celebrated Christmas, we were not very religious. Sadly I have never been to church, ever.

This past Sunday I was driving the girls to the store and we passed a fancy family walking to church. I jokingly said "guys, do you want to go to church?" Ava said "no thanks, its boring" Scarlett said "What's church?" To which I replied "Church is a place where people go to talk about God and pray"  Scarlett said she wanted to go and it sounded like fun. Ava said "Scarlett no, its not fun its boring." Not like she would know because she has never been.

Scarlett said "Will there be candy? Will Santa be there?"  I was a bit confused by her question but told her that Santa will not be at church and they do not give out candy.  Scarlett said "But Louisa (pronounced as Oooisa) took me one time and Santa was there and we got candy."

I was thoroughly confused and then realized Louisa did take Scarlett to the Christmas parade where Santa did make an appearance and gave out candy.  Ava and I then explained to Scarlett that to pray is not the same as a parade.  She said "Darn, I wanted to go to the parade..."

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Girls and Their Gines...

As a mother of 3 girls, there is a lot of talk about vaginas. Some days its hairy ones, stinky ones, bald badgers, leaky ones, owie ones, pokey ones, you name it, it has been discussed here at the Carney house.

I swear, every day there is something I have to deal with that involves vagina care. Weather its applying diaper cream or assessing flaming owie lips on my 5 year old from her limited wiping skills, its a daily topic in my home.

Willa loves to climb under the bathroom sink and abscond with my tampons. It doesn't help that Kevin bought me the super cool fancy ones that come with neon pink, blue, and green wrappers.  She loves to take them apart. Yesterday, out of the blue, Scarlett said "Mommy, can I take your tampon out?" To which I replied "NO WAY, and I'm not even on my period!"

Willa loves to pull down my undies and poke it and say "Gina!" or "Spider!" depending on the current landscape. She too has seen the book that has a spider whose  mandibles look just like a hairy yonie as mentioned in an old blog called Spider Has a Vagina Its true this spiders mouth can easily be confused for a hairy gine. Whenever I neglect  my maintenance down there Willa reminds me that the forest needs a mowing by calling it a Spider, thanks Willa.

And now that I'm on the topic, Scarlett coined the term "Poop Octopus" I dare you to guess what this refers to... Ill just tell ya. You know those awful messy diapers where the poop is literally up the puss? Well one day I yelled "Help get me a bag, its crazy, poop up the puss!" Scarlett ran in the room with a bag yelling "POOP OCTYPUS!!" The term stuck...

My poor husband...

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Hike gone BAD

I planned a wonderful outing for the day. Ava had a new friend over and I was determined to get out of the house and do something fun. I took my brood and dog to Delaveaga park which has hiking trails and a golf course. I was excited to do something different and was ready for a new adventure. Taking all my kids and dog anywhere is in adventure in itself.

Our journey started on the wrong foot as the main road was closed, so I figured we would enter through the other side of the park. We found a parking spot, got out the double stroller, snacks, water, kids, dog and went on our way. We had a map and even checked in with a woman at the help kiosk who showed us how to get to the nature trail.

We were on the trail for about 3 minutes when Ava screamed "Owe!!" She pulled up her shirt and grabbed what I thought was a spider and then realized it was a wasp. She threw the smashed wasp and began to scream way too loud. As I was trying to calm her down I heard Scarlett scream and start crying. I then realized what was happening as I looked up and saw all these little insects flying swarming us. Angelina yelled its a wasp nest and Ava began screaming even louder followed by Scarlett's cries to which I yelled "RUN!!"

Angelina started to run back the way we came and I yelled "not that way" and she did an about face and ran followed by Ava, Scarlett and Daisy. I attempted to run the jogger on the skinny root infested trail and poor Willa was getting bounced around like a rag doll. My girls were crying and after 40 yards began to walk when I yelled "Keep going their chasing us!" The Wasps were following us, I felt them banging into me. The girls kept running and I did my best to follow with the wide double jogger on the teeny hiking path.  The path was so bumpy and full of roots I had to go backwards for some of it because I couldn't manage to push it over the rough path and there was a big drop to my right.  Somehow Daisy got off her leash and took off at a full sprint.

Willa was fussing as the jogger was bouncing crazily down the trail and Scarlett was crying and wanted to get into the jogger but I could barely push it at my running pace so I began to walk. At this moment Willa lets out a big owie scream. I tell the girls to keep running and stop the jogger and pull Willa's jacket off. I see the broken wasp stuck in her neck and pull out the stinger and she cries uncontrollably. Sadly I cant stop to comfort her but take off running after the rest of the kids as she frantically cries and tries to pull herself out of her harness.

After a few minutes of running we start to walk with the goal of getting off this trail and finally find a slope we can clamber up that drops us off at the green on the golf course. We immediately meet a golfer who warns us to watch our for balls, the green is not safe and we should not be walking there. I tell our story and he backs off and points us in the direction of the road. We head off at a run through the green, happy to face a rogue golf ball over a wasp nest.  About 4 irritated golfers later, we make it off the green to the road and finally return to the car.

Scarlett had 3 stings! Ava and Willa each had 1 and luckily Angelina and I lucked out, no stings. Not sure how this stuff happens but this was definitely a nature hike gone wrong. We high tailed it out of there and went and got ice cream.

Monday, June 10, 2013

2 Minute Clusterfuck

4:10 pm:  We are in the back yard and it is a beautiful day. The sun is shining, and Scarlett is sitting in my lap eating macaroni and cheese. Daisy is playing with a doggy toy. We are watching cute naked Willa playing in the water. It is one of those perfect moments.

4:11 pm: Willa is toddling toward the stairs and does the cutest pee. If you have never seen a naked baby pee, it's like a moment of discovery. Willa looks down and seems to say "Wow! look what I can do!"  Scarlett and I laugh, there is nothing cuter than naked babies taking a pee break. Then it happens! She does a big long poo! I grab Daisy because she cant resist poo. I tell Scarlett to run and get some baby wipes. As Willa is running into the house with poopy on her butt, I plead from across the yard for her to stop. All the while this long poo is hanging out of her butt swinging around.

Willa turns and books it up the stairs and drops the dooky on the deck. I chase after her with the dog in my arms, and see another chunk falling on the carpet as she runs inside the house. I put the dog in the kitchen which has a gate to keep her away from the ewey poo and wisk up Willa as she tried to sit her poopy booty on the carpet.

4:12 pm: All the while, Scalrett comes flying over the other baby gate with baby wipes in hand and the macaroni & cheese flies everywhere. I grab the wipes and clean the kaka off Willa's butt and grab the poo off the floor. I take a breath and notice Kevin left the other baby gate in the kitchen wide open.  This gate keeps the cat food safe. Shoot, I just locked Daisy in the Kitchen!  Daisy is happily chomping away on Fancy Feast. I jump over, grab the dog, too late the cat food is gone which means I get to clean up more runny poo later.

4:13 pm: Kevin walks in the house as I have a naked baby on my hip, mac & cheese all over the floor, poopy baby wipes and a dog with cat food breath.

Amazing how much can happen in 2 minutes!

Monday, May 27, 2013

Nanny 911

Back in the day when we used to have 1 and 2 kids, we would watch Nanny 911 and marvel at parents inabilities to raise well behaved, respectful children. I viewed parenting as black and white. When there is an unacceptable behavior, provide a consequence and always follow through. Easy as pie!

Fast forward to life with 3 kids and I am officially Nanny 911 material. On a typical day in my home you will find Willa our 1 year old sitting on the table, coloring on herself, or eating erasers off pencils.   She never has matching socks or unstained clothes, often avocado in her hair. Her favorite thing to do is grab the dog treats and share them with the dog, gross! You may think, put that shit up! She happens to be an excellent climber.

I am guilty of holding Willa whenever she wants, which is all the time. I have had people say "cant you put her down?"  No I cant, she will cry, heavens forbid.

When the kids are playing in the baby pool I have been known to bring out a bottle of soap and call it bath time. This is ingenious, 3 kids clean at the same time! When they complain about the dirt and grass floating in the pool, I say "deal with it."

Scarlett has a few daily freak-out  fits, yelling screaming things like "I know everything" or "I love daddy more than you" Back in the olden days I would have addressed each fit appropriately, warnings, followed by  a consequence, but I'm just too tired and have too much to do. Positive parenting is for parents who are way cooler and more rested than I am.  I cant believe how much I let her get away with, she walks all over me. I have been guilty of warning "If you do that, no TV for the rest of the day"   20 minutes later she has turned on  the TV and is parked on the couch.  I figure, at least she is quiet.

I often will be out and about with the kids and notice no one but me is wearing shoes and wonder, did anyone brush their teeth today?  Then I notice the rats nest in Scarlett's hair and cant remember the last time I untangled those unruly curls.

Ava is the only one that actually does what she is supposed to you, we did all our awesome parenting on her and then ran out of juice as the years went by.  Sometimes I look at my life and just have to laugh at the craziness of it all.  I wonder how in the hell did my organized, tight ship turn into a crazy episode of Nanny 911?

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