Friday, March 11, 2016

Our Toilet is Glowing!

Kevin ordered the craziest contraption, a toilet light! Did you even know such a thing exits?! This is no ordinary toilet light but a color changing one at that. It rotates between 4 colors and is motion activated[. At first I thought it was a weird unnecessary item but that was before I learned about the logistics involved when guys pee in the dark.

Because this house is full of girls (and Kevin) I never thought much about what is involved when a guy has to pee in the dark.

When I go pee in the wee hours, I'm always half asleep so I sit down with my eyes closed and then shuffle back to bed. I now know that guys have to not only keep their eyes open, but also have to aim at the target. If you miss you get a mess and then there is the matter of trying to pee quietly, aiming for the edges of the bowl rather than the middle.  Who knew there was an actual strategy to peeing in the dark?

The 1st night the toilet light arrived, the kids went nuts. They literally had to come watch me pee so they could see my pee change colors as it streamed into the bowl.  I had 2 little girls hovering over me while I sat on the toilet, talk about no privacy! Scarlett is still waiting for a nighttime poo so she can see what the light does to poop! Sadly for her we are all morning poopers...

Ava's BFF Ella also love the toilet light!



Tuesday, December 8, 2015

You Did What?!

We were having a little Bar B Que when Ava asked me if she could dye her friend Tommy's hair with food coloring. I figured that was a safe non-permanent way to color hair so said "sure". You would be surprised how well it worked, Tommy had perfectly pink hair.  Scarlett was adamant that she was next.

Scarlett joined Ava in the bathroom and I peeked in to see how it was going and it was crazy! It looked as though a paintball gun went off, pink everywhere!  I honestly do not understand how it got on the walls! I told her to quickly clean it up before her dad saw it.

You see I am the one who lets the kids do things that seem like a good idea at the time and Kevin always errs on the side of caution. More often than not, he ends up being right.  I did not want Kevin to come in and see the explosion of pink and say "you let the kids do what with food coloring?!"

Ava's friend Ella showed up for the party and I ushered her into the bathroom, handed her a bottle of 409 and told her to please help Ava clean up the mess.  The 3 girls got to cleaning and a few minutes later I came in to see the progress and was speechless. Let me set the scene...

Scarlett is stark naked in the shower, dripping red,  being sprayed down with 409. Thats right, 409 with duel action grease fighting power. I asked Ava if she truly thought that it is OK to spray your sister with chemicals that we lock up under the sink?! She said "The bottle says it is an all purpose cleaner"  I was so mad I told the girls to get out and I took over.

As I am washing Scarlett with soap and water  she tells me that they not only sprayed her body but her feet and under her armpits too! As if there was food coloring under her arm pits, really...

20 minutes later I had a squeeky clean Scarlett and a semi clean bathroom.

I learned 3 valuable lessons that day:

1. Food coloring is an effective but extremely messy way to color your hair
2. Smart kids can do really stupid things
3. I hate to admit it but Kevin is most often right (most, not always...


Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Who needs a door anyway...

You know that sound of a slamming door followed by a screaming child? You get that icky feeling in your stomach while your mind starts thinking of the awful smashed finger stories you've heard in your life.  You run to see if your kids still have all their fingers and breath a sigh of relief to find 10 intact digits. Well, we not only have doors but also a big sliding glass door which  have strict rules not to slam and it inevitably happens anyway. The slider is like the big daddy of all finger munchers, especially after the annual maintenance when it slides nice and smooth.

Whenever the girls slam their door, Kevin threatens to take the door off the hinges.  Well, today he finally followed through with this threat. Scarlett slammed the door to keep Willa out of their room and it hit Willa in the face. So Kevin grabs his tools and takes the door off the hinges all the while both Scarlett and Willa are crying that they need their door. Ava just rolls her eyes and said "Who needs privacy anyway?"

The girls finally calmed down and we tacked up a shower curtain we had which ended up looking super cool! The girls are all excited about their new room decor and the lack of door somehow makes the room look bigger which is a plus as it is similar to an overcrowded dorm room. The best part is  that I can rest assure that the girls will be able to keep all their fingers!


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Neen!!!!

I love breastfeeding! I have breastfed all  3 of my children. I nursed Ava until she was 2. I only nursed Scarlett until she was one, she was too busy to make time for the tit. Willa is still going strong and defiantly a major booby lover, just like her dad.

I love nursing for so many reasons:

1. It makes me sit my busy butt down and relax. For those of you who know me, this is virtually impossible. Or if I get an important work call, I pop it in the babes mouth and ahhh complete silence.

2. Its super cozy and special to look down in my babies eyes as they suckle away, I love these moments, not much can beat this.

3. Its a great way to calm a crying baby, instant pacifier!

4. A fail proof way to get my babies to fall asleep. (I know eventually this will bite me in the butt...)

5. Oh and its very healthy too, that's just a big bonus to all the other good stuff.

Willa will be 2 in April and my friends politely ask me how long I will nurse her, to which I often reply "Until she is 10"  You see Willa is getting big and she speaks really well. She says Momma, I want neen. Pleaseeeeee When I say no, she bargains Just a little bit, pleaseeeee momma, its special and its so sweet  At that point I almost always give in.

Sometimes  its not so special. For example, in the middle of the night  when she is not so polite and almost every hour repeatedly yells I want neen!!! When I don't give it to her she thrashes and kicks. I know I have created a mini titty loving monster.

I have truly evolved from a controlling, militant mother that regulated nursing to bedtime to throwing the rules out the door and popping it out whenever I hear the word neen. I know Willa is my last baby so I have let so many rules slide.  I am amazed how much I have changed from baby #1 to baby #3.

So how long will I nurse? I'm not sure but I do dread the day when I decide my tatas are closed for business. I don't think Willa will be in favor of this shutdown. Until this day I plan to enjoy every second of it!

Friday, January 31, 2014

Youth is Wasted on the Young

I have no regrets (well maybe a couple) but for the most part I don't regret any part of my life. However, if I could go back in time I would do a lot differently.

1. I would have a lot more sex (protected of course). I was such a good girl in high school and college that I missed out on a lot of that raging hormone sex. Don't get me wrong, I had a boyfriend all through high school so did not miss out completely but I wish I would have been a bit more promiscuous when I was in college. I went to UCSC for goodness sake! If I could do it again I would experiment more with girls, threesomes, foursomes, toys, places, you name it, if I could get a do-over I would try it at all least once.

2. On a similar note, I would have had way more sex with my husband before having 3 kids.   After baby number #1 it was pretty easy to find time. Even after baby #2 it was somewhat possible. Once baby #3 came along its next to impossible to find time and more so, a place where there are no kids.  Having 3 kids in a small 2 bedroom only leaves the backyard so we really have to want it to venture into the great outdoors!

3. I would go to college, get a degree in science and then a nursing degree so I could get a job right out of college. Instead I got a useless degree in environmental studies and became a professional student almost getting my teaching credential, nursing pre-recs, computer classes, and Spanish. Now I'm 36 and on a 5 year long waiting list to get into nursing school (2.5 years in). You do the math, I will be at least 40 by the time I can even apply for a nursing job. Really? It took me all those years to figure this out, uggh! After all this schooling I finally have a cool job that does not require ANY of that (except Spanish)

4. I would save money. I used to have way more money and very little expenses and I would blow it by going out to the bar, to dinner, buying crap I did not need.  I wish I would have just saved a little bit every month so now I would be able to buy a house instead of living month to month in a itty bitty house.

5. I would not drink copious amounts of tequila, ever. But that's a story for another blog.

6. I would have spent way more time in Costa Rica learning Spanish, or just studied Spanish more in college. Maybe do one of those language immersion programs, that would have been amazing!

7. I would have stranded that looser drunk boyfriend of mine in Grass Valley when he cheated on me on Christmas eve rather than taking him back to Santa Cruz,  I promise one day I will tell this story too, its a good one!

8. I would have stuck with guitar.

I could go on and on... The saying "Youth is Wasted on the Young" is so true. Maybe I can impart some of my life experience on my girls so they make a few better choices than I did. But I'm not sure I want to encourage them to be promiscuous, so I will keep that one to myself.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Santa Gives Candy at Church?

I have to admit that I have not done the best job teaching my children about religion. I was raised as a Jewish girl who celebrated Christmas, we were not very religious. Sadly I have never been to church, ever.

This past Sunday I was driving the girls to the store and we passed a fancy family walking to church. I jokingly said "guys, do you want to go to church?" Ava said "no thanks, its boring" Scarlett said "What's church?" To which I replied "Church is a place where people go to talk about God and pray"  Scarlett said she wanted to go and it sounded like fun. Ava said "Scarlett no, its not fun its boring." Not like she would know because she has never been.

Scarlett said "Will there be candy? Will Santa be there?"  I was a bit confused by her question but told her that Santa will not be at church and they do not give out candy.  Scarlett said "But Louisa (pronounced as Oooisa) took me one time and Santa was there and we got candy."

I was thoroughly confused and then realized Louisa did take Scarlett to the Christmas parade where Santa did make an appearance and gave out candy.  Ava and I then explained to Scarlett that to pray is not the same as a parade.  She said "Darn, I wanted to go to the parade..."

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Girls and Their Gines...

As a mother of 3 girls, there is a lot of talk about vaginas. Some days its hairy ones, stinky ones, bald badgers, leaky ones, owie ones, pokey ones, you name it, it has been discussed here at the Carney house.

I swear, every day there is something I have to deal with that involves vagina care. Weather its applying diaper cream or assessing flaming owie lips on my 5 year old from her limited wiping skills, its a daily topic in my home.

Willa loves to climb under the bathroom sink and abscond with my tampons. It doesn't help that Kevin bought me the super cool fancy ones that come with neon pink, blue, and green wrappers.  She loves to take them apart. Yesterday, out of the blue, Scarlett said "Mommy, can I take your tampon out?" To which I replied "NO WAY, and I'm not even on my period!"

Willa loves to pull down my undies and poke it and say "Gina!" or "Spider!" depending on the current landscape. She too has seen the book that has a spider whose  mandibles look just like a hairy yonie as mentioned in an old blog called Spider Has a Vagina Its true this spiders mouth can easily be confused for a hairy gine. Whenever I neglect  my maintenance down there Willa reminds me that the forest needs a mowing by calling it a Spider, thanks Willa.

And now that I'm on the topic, Scarlett coined the term "Poop Octopus" I dare you to guess what this refers to... Ill just tell ya. You know those awful messy diapers where the poop is literally up the puss? Well one day I yelled "Help get me a bag, its crazy, poop up the puss!" Scarlett ran in the room with a bag yelling "POOP OCTYPUS!!" The term stuck...

My poor husband...

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