Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Pregnancy is Freaky

I know some moms love being pregnant. They glow and resemble a beautiful goddess. Its not quite as magical for me. I find it oddly fascinating to be a witness to so many weird things happening to my body. Its like I have been abducted and have no choice but to go with it.

Jenny McCarthy pretty much summed it up when she described her lady parts as swelling blue Twinkies. I know TMI I'm sorry but she is on to something. WTF, I thought only my stomach and and maybe ankles were supposed to grow in size! Now I have a pair of hitchhiking Twinkies!

And whats up with the need to change my undies 10 times a day?! Pregnancy and fluids seem to go together like yin and yang. I understand that exercise is very important so I am regularly at the gym. But you see, I sweat like a pig! I am supposed to be a dainty flower, not a oozing mass of perspiration. I could really do without all the crotch sweat. I feel bad for when my fellow gym patrons accidently get an eyeful of my sweaty bits. And YES I always wipe off the machines.

Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! I know I am always talking about my giant tata's, but really I must. Pregnancy doesn't just make them bigger, it turns them into giant torpedoes with dark bulls-eyes. I understand this helps my bundle of joy not get lost when going in for a meal. But it is so not sexy. Did I mention I have sprouted a giant superhighway network of bright blue veins? Yeah, my body is readily preparing them udders for our future arrival.

You see I enjoy making babies, growing them is another story. I trip out when I think about all these crazy bodily changes. I am fascinated by how mammalian I am. I grow and nurse my young, I have udders for goodness sake! Moooooo!!!

7 comments:

  1. Your so funny. I enjoyed this post. Takes me back to the day's when I was pregnant.

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  2. this is exactly why i will never get pregnant again! lol.

    karen
    www.nakedmommydiaries.com

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  3. Your blog is amazing! Every Mom has a Journey and I see that you went through one heck of a journey. Please visit our website at http://www.MomAtLast.com to learn more about what it means to finally become a Mom, at Last! <3

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  4. Please email me! I have a question about your blog! :)

    HeatherVonsj@gmail.com

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  5. Hi! I'm a new follower from BlobbyMoms. Your blog is hilarious and your writing style is great :) We are trying to conceive right now, I look forward to your future posts.

    Tess
    inlovebythebeach.blogspot.com

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  6. New follower from MBC!

    Love this post-- glad someone can write about the real part of being pregnant!! I did the same thing!

    tracie
    weddedblissplusbaby.blogspot.com

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