Notes From the Womb - 38 weeks

Only 2 more weeks to the supposed due date, April 1st!!!! I cant believe we are already at this point, ready to pop like a ripe juicy peach.

I learned at my last Dr appointment that I am 3cm dilated, 70% effaced, and -1 station. For those of you who have no idea what this means, it means when I do go into labor to get my ass to the hospital QUICK, this baby is gonna come fast.

I've gained 23 lbs so far and my tummy is growing by the day. I know it may seem impossible but my tatas keep getting bigger and bigger. I am frightened for when my milk comes in. This may forever wreck my awesome plastic surgeons beautiful work... Oh well gotta embrace the benefits of motherhood.

I am slowing down but still working out and doing boot camp, although it is way harder these days. I usually pee a bit when I do jumping jacks. The highlight of my day is when I get to poo, or I should say IF I get to poo. I'm guessing this baby is invading my colon and seriously affecting this daily ritual.

I was hoping she would be born yesterday on St Patricks day because Kevin said we could name her Ireland, which is my first choice, but not Kevin's. Yes, we still have not decided on a name but have a bunch we each like but the other one doesn't. (Willa, Cathryn, Violet, Cat, Juliette, Ruby) I am hoping when we see her one of these names will stick.

38 Weeks Pregnant

Brushing Teeth is Like Pulling Teeth

Brushing teeth in my house has turned into a very time consuming activity... 

Ava - When she was little, she let me do it, now she does it, the end... 3 minutes

Scarlett - She picks her toothbrush, chooses 3 different kinds of toothpaste, then decides not to use it because she wants to use Ava's. Ava says no way, so she settles on her pink Hello Kitty. But first, she needs to put her barrettes in her hair. Then she has to poo, but I thought she only had on 5 pairs of underwear which I stripped off and set her on the potty. As she started to go, we both realized she was wearing a 6th pair which I quickly pulled off. 

Finally ready to brush, but no she had to tell me this totally made-up story. 

Story Goes - Kevin took her to Toys R Us and bought her a Little Mermaid dress with a real tail that goes in the water. When she got home she put it high up in the closet where the raccoons climbed up and took it in the wall. (Racoons really do live in our wall, this is the only true part of this story)  The bad guys came and beat up the raccoons to get the Aerial costume. But the raccoons became good and escaped and gave her the costume back. 

After her story she finally brushed her teeth.  20 minutes

King Size Bed

I finally convinced Kevin to let us invest in a kingsize bed. Here is my reasoning.  I am having another baby who will suck on my teets all night long while simultaneously being sandwiched from behind from by Scarlett.

(Just a side thought - back in the day I used to think being sandwiched and suckled sounded like a fricken party if you get my drift. You see how my mind thinks these days? Damn hormones are turning me into a dirtly old lady. Anyway, I will save that for another post...)

I figure I deserve more space for doing my duty of carrying these creatures, squeezing them out, and then letting them help themselves to my tatas.  Kevin also deserves more space as he is on the receiving end of Scarletts wild mid-night kicks.  She is brutal, its like she is training to me a mixed marital artist and Kevin is her punching bag.  For having her eyes closed, she has great aim, mostly Kevin's temple. She is really good at getting perfectly horizontal between our pillows.

So the glorious bed arrives and it is huge! I recommend a king size bed to families everywhere. The funny thing about the bed is that Scarlett seems to think that it is for her to fill up with all of her toys. I put her to bed in her room and by the time Kevin and I make it to our bed she has snuck in and taken over... She is very sneaky, must get that from her dad. The next morning I asked her where we were supposed to sleep and she said I should sleep in her toddler bed and daddy doesn't need to sleep. Gotta love the perks of co-sleeping!

Notes from the Womb - 30 weeks

Welcome to the third trimester!! Yippee Ki Yay Mother #!@*

8 weeks and counting and I am officially ripe and ready to bring life into this world. It sounds beautiful and magical right? The thing is I dont feel ready. I am in denial that this thing has to eventually come out and live with us.

With baby #3 I am prepared to say goodbye to my sweet 16 yoni... Ok more like sweet 34, but I can pretend. I'm lucky because my husband says I shouldn't worry about that, thanks hunny.  I have read that everything shrinks back to its original size but I also don't believe everything I read.  That would be a fricken miracle!

Somehow I still drag my ass to the gym. Mostly so Scarlett gets out and I get a mommy break. I do love the daycare at my gym. Toadal Fitness your my best friend and I owe my sanity to you. 

My body is so full of baby I dont see how it is at all possible for her to grow for 8 + more weeks, I suppose my internal organs aren't really that important. My ribs feel like they are in a vice most of the day, no biggie I almost get used to it.

 I can no longer see my lovely lady bits, which is probably a good thing. The last view I had resembled blue Twinkies, so I am happy to leave this to my imagination. I pretend I look like Jenna Jameson in that department. Did you know she bleaches her butt-hole to make it that pretty pink color?! I know what I want for my birthday...  Luckily I have doubled my blood supply or something like that so orgasms are earth shattering, and I will miss them oh so much once this baby arrives.

My stomach and bladder have had to share their living space which means I pee all the time and cant eat grown up portions anymore. It feels like I am burning the lining off my esophagus from all the heart burn, but at least the end is in sight.

The problem with the end being is sight is just that, I am totally and completely not ready. My life is pretty chaotic and my day is filled with screaming Scarlett fits and sister fights.  I hope that when I pop this puppy out, we will wing it and some how the pieces will fall into place.

Poor Yellow Chair

I get pissed when Scarlett spits at me, scratches me, or throws a fit when I try to get her in the car. I cant stand it when she she starts screaming "owie, owie, owie" over and over in public. It really drives me crazy how whenever I make a phone call she decides to cry or freak out.

Kevin manages to keep his cool and calm her in most situations. He doesn't seem to allow her to ruffle his feathers, even when she says "I dont like you Daddy" He just smiles and ignores her.

You want to know what pisses Kevin off? When Scarlett does something dangerous and ends up hurting herself.

Yesterday, Scarlett brought this cute little yellow chair by the stove where she is not allowed to be for obvious reasons. Both her and Ava have both been burned and we have strict rules about being by the stove. She was trying to push me away while carelessly balancing on this chair. Both Kevin and I were telling her "No way, not safe" and then boom, she completely ate it, falling to the hard kitchen floor.

I thought, cool maybe she will learn not to do that. Kevin proceeded to grab the yellow chair and smash it on the floor. It broke into many pieces and then he threw it into the living room. I really liked that chair because my dad gave it to us and I think it was an antique.

Scarlett, did a double take and then threw a shit fit about how daddy broke her chair. He calmly explained to her that she should listen to us when we tell her not to do something. She continued to follow him around the house, screaming until eventually she wanted him to give her a hug and pick her up. The two of them ended up sitting by the fire, having a father daughter moment while burning the remnants of the chair...

I plan to use this to my advantage  by saying "Dont do that or Daddy will break it and then burn it"

Pregnancy is Freaky

I know some moms love being pregnant. They glow and resemble a beautiful goddess. Its not quite as magical for me. I find it oddly fascinating to be a witness to so many weird things happening to my body. Its like I have been abducted and have no choice but to go with it.

Jenny McCarthy pretty much summed it up when she described her lady parts as swelling blue Twinkies. I know TMI I'm sorry but she is on to something. WTF, I thought only my stomach and and maybe ankles were supposed to grow in size! Now I have a pair of hitchhiking Twinkies!

And whats up with the need to change my undies 10 times a day?! Pregnancy and fluids seem to go together like yin and yang. I understand that exercise is very important so I am regularly at the gym. But you see, I sweat like a pig! I am supposed to be a dainty flower, not a oozing mass of perspiration. I could really do without all the crotch sweat. I feel bad for when my fellow gym patrons accidently get an eyeful of my sweaty bits. And YES I always wipe off the machines.

Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! I know I am always talking about my giant tata's, but really I must. Pregnancy doesn't just make them bigger, it turns them into giant torpedoes with dark bulls-eyes. I understand this helps my bundle of joy not get lost when going in for a meal. But it is so not sexy. Did I mention I have sprouted a giant superhighway network of bright blue veins? Yeah, my body is readily preparing them udders for our future arrival.

You see I enjoy making babies, growing them is another story. I trip out when I think about all these crazy bodily changes. I am fascinated by how mammalian I am. I grow and nurse my young, I have udders for goodness sake! Moooooo!!!

1st child vs 3rd

Pre kids - What the hell did I do with all my free time? I honestly have no idea...

1st child
*When Ava was born we had a ton of time to bond. I would take a bath with her every single day. We did this for 4 years. Thats a ton of bath time!

*No formula, all breast milk.

*We would take long walks overlooking the ocean.

* I would nurse her down for a nap daily and when that did not work I would driver to holy hell and back to get her to sleep.

*I would make her a variety of healthy and thoughtful meals. I made sure Ava had plenty to eat and made sure she ate enough dinner.  I carried snacks and a sippy cup every time we went out, I had a mini grocery store in my diaper bag.

*I always stuck to our schedule.

* I rarely left her side because she was a major clingon. When I did leave she cried buckets.

* Ava did swimming, gymnastics, mommy and me classes, karate, dance, horse back riding, you name it she did it.

*No candy or sweets! I was super controlling about the food she ate.

*I would leave her dinner for her until she ate it all or save it to heat up for later.

*No coming in our bed, ever. Ava still always stays in her bed.

2nd child 
*Scarlett does get a bath about every-other day, sometimes every 3 days, but with her sister. I occasionally join them, but its pretty crowded! When she was an infant I would smell her neck folds to see if a bath was truly necessary. No cheese, no bath.

*No time for leisurely walks, but occasional  runs with me in the jogger.

* Gave in and gave her some formula, gave my tatas a break

* Naps? What naps?

*I try to keep something to eat in my purse, but usually it is an old bag of crushed goldfish. I never have a sippy, but she learned pretty young how to drink out of my water bottle.  I dont worry if she ate enough, I figure she wont starve.

* If she does not eat her dinner, someone else does. Better eat your food here in the Carney house or else someone else will.

*Her schedule is dominated by Ava's school, karate, and dance schedule and my gym classes. She has not done any toddler classes. Thankfully she is in daycare part time and gets to do a dance class at my gym while I work out.

*She happily waves bye when I leave. Happy to be on her own with Daddy.

*Sure, treats and candy arent so bad. Do cookies count as a snack? Chocolate chip banana bread for breakfast? Sure, I figure it has bananas in it...

* Sure if its after midnight I let her int he bed, sometimes if I'm super tired she sneaks in sooner.

3rd child - ????

My goal is to keep it clean and fed, not sure how much more I can promise.

Say hello to family bed, no room for a crib, the girls room is too small.  Good things kids are so adaptable...

Notes from the Womb - 16 weeks

I made it to my second trimester, thank the gods! I feel so much better, no more noxious urges to puke my guts out. I am starting to be able to drink water when I am thirsty, rather than just pining for it.  Drinking anything used to make me feel super sick.

My boobs are still growing, if that is even possible. They are crazy huge, and not in a sexy way. They have a freaky network of blue veins which make me look like a road map of an urban metropolis.

The best part about being pregnant has arrived. Earth shaking orgasms, and I meant that to be plural. I learned that my blood volume has increased by 30% which is what I have to thank for these life altering moments. It makes me sad knowing this is my last pregnancy and I only have 6 more months left of debilitating orgasms in my entire life. I try not to think about that and just enjoy it.

I have a few hours of zombie like exhaustion that hits mid day and is gone by tea time. I have not given up my English breakfast tea, these 2 cups a day are what keep me going.

I am still running! This is my biggest accomplishment, other than getting preggers to begin with. My morning exercise routine is what keeps me sane in my busy life. Its like if I get to work out, it does not matter what happens for the rest of the day, I already had my me time.

Stay tuned to week 20 when I find out the gender!!!

16 Weeks 

Mosquito War

Mosquitoes have taken over our house! They sneak in during the day and hide in wait for us to go to sleep.

I climb into bed completely exhausted and just start to trickle off to sleep when it happens. ZZZZZZzzzzz right in my ear. I have to get up turn the lights on, get the bug zapper and destroy. Half the time I cant even find the little bugger. It can go on like this for a couple hours. Im telling you, it is worse than having a newborn.

Our nightly ritual involves the 4 of us going from room to room hunting these obnoxious bugs. The kids get really into it, flashlights and all.

Kevin and I have to sleep with our duel bug zappers in hand. The only light at the end of this tunnel is that winter is quickly approaching. I am hoping for a good night sleep as soon as we get our first frost.

Hot Sauce Anyone?

I received a 4 pack of Cholula Hot Sauce to test out. Another perk of blogging!

I invited our friends over and made a delicious Mexican fiesta with enchiladas, rice and beans. We took this job very seriously and tested each of the four varieties.  I was a bit nervous about testing hot sauce because I can only handle so much spice, but was surprised to find that they were not all that spicy but more flavorful.

My favorite was the lime and everyone else loved the garlic, followed by the original, last the chipotle. Totally delicious and not too spicy. My only criticism is that we used a bunch on one meal, I think we will mow through them too fast! Thanks Cholula!

Notes from the Womb - 10 weeks

Well, were still pregnant so thats great!

I am waist deep in the awesome side affects of pregnancy. I have not had morning sickness but it is more like all day sickness. I seem to be leaking gas which manages to clear the room. I turn into a grumpy bear around meal time.

I get crazy tired mid day and feel like I am sleep walking. My heightened sense of smell of my families breath is unbearable. My poor kids have to brush their teeth twice, floss, and use a tongue scraper before I am satisfied.

 My boobs are humongous and sensitive which isn't that cool considering they were already pretty plump to begin with.  No nookie in these here parts, sorry hunny I might puke on you.

That being said I am almost out of the gross stage, woo hoo!! I cant wait to feel human again!