Pregnancy is Freaky

I know some moms love being pregnant. They glow and resemble a beautiful goddess. Its not quite as magical for me. I find it oddly fascinating to be a witness to so many weird things happening to my body. Its like I have been abducted and have no choice but to go with it.

Jenny McCarthy pretty much summed it up when she described her lady parts as swelling blue Twinkies. I know TMI I'm sorry but she is on to something. WTF, I thought only my stomach and and maybe ankles were supposed to grow in size! Now I have a pair of hitchhiking Twinkies!

And whats up with the need to change my undies 10 times a day?! Pregnancy and fluids seem to go together like yin and yang. I understand that exercise is very important so I am regularly at the gym. But you see, I sweat like a pig! I am supposed to be a dainty flower, not a oozing mass of perspiration. I could really do without all the crotch sweat. I feel bad for when my fellow gym patrons accidently get an eyeful of my sweaty bits. And YES I always wipe off the machines.

Boobs! Boobs! Boobs! I know I am always talking about my giant tata's, but really I must. Pregnancy doesn't just make them bigger, it turns them into giant torpedoes with dark bulls-eyes. I understand this helps my bundle of joy not get lost when going in for a meal. But it is so not sexy. Did I mention I have sprouted a giant superhighway network of bright blue veins? Yeah, my body is readily preparing them udders for our future arrival.

You see I enjoy making babies, growing them is another story. I trip out when I think about all these crazy bodily changes. I am fascinated by how mammalian I am. I grow and nurse my young, I have udders for goodness sake! Moooooo!!!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Lost in the Woods!

Big Rock Hole Trail One sunny day we drove to Henry Cowell State Park to meet up with some friends who were camping there. They told us ...